Tag: peer support girl

OMG! I am rid of peer support girl! They are assigning me back to my previous person! I am so relieved.

Otherwise, I have to go to my normal doctor on Monday. This swollen lymph node and ear infection aren’t getting any better, even after being bombarded with drops, and two different antibiotics. If anything, it’s gotten worse. I’m really starting to worry about this. Mom thinks I have something called “TMJ” which happens when someone grinds their teeth too much, which I do, and it can lock your jaw shut. I’m hoping they’ll go ahead and x-ray my damn head or whatever because I’m getting sick of this.

She’s making me get a Covid test before I come in, which makes me really nervous. I’m not sick, but what if it comes back positive? I’d have to self-isolate for two weeks and that would wreak havoc on my mental health and I might actually wind up in the hospital again. So yeah. It’s not that easy or simple for some people.

Well, I went out with peer support girl today, entirely against my will… I was in pain because of the swollen lymph node in my jaw and was grumpy and tired. We went to eat someplace even though she obviously doesn’t like taking me to eat. We got into a small argument over me getting an alcoholic drink, she said I couldn’t because of company rules and I commented that that is stupid, but I didn’t get my drink. Anyhow after a back and forth, I wound up telling her she’s not as fun as previous girl and she said “I’m NOT previous girl” and I said “I KNOW.” Then she was like “Be miiiiiiindful of your speeeech” and I said “Oh God, with the MINDFUL again. Here we goes.” and put my head in my hands because FUCK she’s annoying. She got all weepy and I was like Oh God, whatever I don’t care anymore.

Things calmed down from there. Also mom had spoken to her about the handwashing thing and she said she would wash them, but I don’t really care now because she’s getting switched. She can go be nasty in someone else’s house.

Also she has the worst taste in music I have ever heard. Boring as fuck. I can’t stand when she has the music on in her car, she listens to Youtube playlists and I never know what horrible thing will come on next. It’s like Russian roulette.

I just do not deal well with overly sensitive people. I really don’t. It may sound like I’m the mean one, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON.

I should also mention I have never had a problem with any of my past peer supports, and I’ve had a bunch over the years. She’s the only one.

I got my PS4 yesterday! I was trying to set it up and my phone rang, it was peer support girl. I didn’t answer because I was busy and why is she calling so late? I sometimes ignore her calls because she calls at stupid times when I’ve previously asked her not to call me, and I might be a little bit of an asshole too. Hmm. Anyways, a few minutes later she shows up at my door and proceeds to bug me for about a half hour. I was paranoid of the hand-washing thing and cringed when she touched my stuff. Now I feel like I need to wipe everything down with a clorox wipe. >_>; I swear I had terrible anxiety about her pee-hands being on my stuff as I was trying to sleep last night. I’m a huge germophobe and that’s a nightmare scenario. I think she’s one of those “BuT i DoN’t WaNt To WaSh ThE gOoD bAcTeRiA oFf” people. I’m sorry for rambling on about this and her, but like I said, I had terrible anxiety and need to vent it out. I know I might sound like a super bitch but…that’s what a fucking blog is for, isn’t it? 😐

Anyhoo. PS4 is awesome. Played some Soulcalibur (Kilik ♥) and called it a night. I got some games for my 3DS which I can’t freaking find and a couple of cartridges for my mini Genesis, which I also haven’t yet found.

I unpacked all my books (yes, I’m just getting around to doing this lol) and started some on the movies.

Wash your goddam hands.

I am starting to suspect peer support girl doesn’t wash her hands when she uses the bathroom. I usually let her use my guest bathroom (this girl pees A LOT), so this grosses me out majorly. So today I took my “Wash your hands ya filthy animal” sign from the master bathroom and put it in there. I hope this will get my point across.

She doesn’t think I can do anything on my own. She has asked twice now if my mom gives me my money. No, I have my own income, thanks. She asked if I have a payee. No, I do not. After I bought a pair of sunglasses, she asked how my mom feels when I “buy extra things”. My mother’s feelings about my buying a pair of cheap sunglasses is not relevant, because it is my money. I have no agency according to her. Once again treating me as someone who is mentally diminished. I am not.

Peer support girl is getting on my nerves again. Yesterday I woke up feeling like garbage, and asked her not to come that day and she argued with me for like 3 minutes. Dude. Just say “okay, I won’t come today.” It’s not that friggin hard. I had to cancel my therapy appointment too. I’ll probably go next Monday and I’ll probably ask my therapist to go ahead and have them switch my peer support person. I had told her to hold off on it before, but I’m kinda done now.

I made ramen a little bit ago and the fucking bowl is cracked and it leaked everywhere. =_=;

Currently trying to make plans for an animation I want to make. It’s basically an animated picture, not a complete animation. Just a drawing with animated effects. I’m trying to figure out where to start on that.

Oh, and Oscar put his foot in my mouth. *spits repeatedly*

a bit better

I went out with peer support girl today, she was made aware of my request for a switch, and apologized for the things she did and said, and told me to tell her if she fucks up in the future. I said okay, and asked my therapist to hold off on switching her. I actually had a good time. We’ll see how things go from here on…

I haven’t worked on my godforsaken donut for three nights. I’m afraid to open Blender >.>; My donut is a nonut. I guess I’ll try to pick up on it again tomorrow night, since it’s almost 5 AM here now.

I don’t know if I’ll ever figure Blender out, I keep forgetting the hotkeys and still don’t understand what a subsurface modifier is! ;_;

Otherwise…I’ve spent my night looking for advice for people with autism and severe sensory problems and dating. I signed up for the forums at Wrongplanet and went over the love and relationships forum but didn’t find anything relevant to my problem. I don’t think there’s any forums about sensory problems and dating. I don’t know why I’m bothering to try and figure my problem out, no one’s ever gonna want me or put up with my issues. Especially the person I like. He likes thin, pretty girls, both of which I’m not. I can fix the thin part, but I don’t know if I’ll be as cute as I used to be when I was thin. >_> I don’t know how OLD I’ll look. That’s something that makes me very paranoid. Everyone tells me how young I look but will it be the same if I lost all the weight in my face? Will I look….droopy? Ugghhhh. I guess it’s better than being fat, though.

Ah well….until next time.

Oh God, peer support girl can’t even handle listening to Rage Against the Machine because they said “fuck” in a song. LMAO I mean it’s okay to not like cursing but when you literally can’t handle listening to a song? I actually laughed when she turned it off, just couldn’t stop myself. If you spent time with her you’d laugh too. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to not offend her, but it’s getting old and my bitchiness is leaking out. If I blew on this girl she’d fly away. I’m a pretty meek and timid person until I get to know someone and I feel like a fucking grizzly bear next to her. I don’t like it. I feel mean for saying all this stuff, but I need to vent!

I asked my therapist to put in a request to change peer supports, hopefully back to my previous girl. I’m hoping. *crosses fingers*

It’s happened. I’ve finally met someone who’s more sensitive than me, and it is annoying. I sure hope I don’t come off like that.

Basically she’s my “peer support” from the place I get therapy at, and she had taken me to the library to rent some books. I have a hard time motivating myself to do stuff, especially reading. She asks, over and over again, “Have you read them”, “when do you think you might read them” and I got irritated, because I hate when people ask me the same questions over and over, and also I DON’T KNOW WHEN I MIGHT READ THEM. I said “When I feel like it.” and she got all weepy and told me to “be mindful of my tone”. I kind of wanted to smack her. I hate the word “mindful” too. It just fucking annoys me. Like…this girl is way younger than me and I hate having someone eight years younger than me treating me like a child. =_= When she first became my peer support, they had switched me from the previous girl to her because she was new and needed a caseload of clients. I had a really good relationship with the girl before her. I was so pissed when they switched me. Our personalities just do not match. She keeps trying to get me to volunteer at places, not taking my issues into consideration. I flat out told her I wasn’t going to volunteer any time soon. She ignored me and kept asking about “volunteering opportunities”. Also I had gone to the health food place to get Jojoba oil and saw a chapstick I might like, so I picked it up and she said “Not today”. What the fuck? I ignored her. Another time she took me to a gas station to grab a drink and I decided to quickly look at the sunglasses rack and she again said “Not today”. I’m sorry, I wasn’t under the impression I had to fcking ask your permission to look at something. I hATE when people in the mental health business treat me like I’m mentally diminished. It’s happened more times than I can count.

I miss the previous girl so much! 🙁