Tag: Godmother

The new peer support is not working out. I just do not know how to get it through her or their heads that I DONT SLEEP AT NIGHT. Meaning that I am not up in the morning!! What is so hard to understand about that?? Even worse, I feel like they’re watching me like a hawk waiting for me to screw up somehow so they can discharge me again. At least I still have my individual support lady who can always come in the afternoon.

I had to cave and get cable again. It’s pathetic how I cant go without it. Anyhow I got really depressed and just caved. YouTube TV is shite. If it were more user friendly and had a decent interface I probably would have kept it.

I’m really having a hard time with losing my godmom, who was really more of an aunt, and that’s what I called her. I’ll just refer to her as aunt from now on. Her interment is October 15 in Chattanooga TN. Mom won’t let me go with her and dad and it really hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t go to the interment because I don’t do well at funerals or any kind of thing like that. I would have just stayed at the hotel room. But no, she said that would mess up her grieving or something like that which really confused me. Am I that annoying to her? I’m grieving too, you know. Guess my feelings on the issue don’t matter. /shrug

I just bought a pack of Niosh approved n95 masks for my mom. The situation with my godmother has made me so incredibly paranoid about her catching it and ending up like her best friend. I have just been lying here in bed all night, unable to sleep because I’m thinking about them both.

I have never been able to view my mom as an “old person”, even though she claims to be one. She’s 71 and looks to be in her 50s. I guess now I have to accept that she’s a (young) old person. 71 is still young to me honestly. When someone around that age passes away, I always say “but they’re too young to die”.

I’m so messed up in the head right now. It’s a nasty mixture of fear and trepidation. 😔

I have anger in me today. My godmother is quickly deteriorating and her relative called my mom today and said she has maybe a day or two to live. The hospital has thrown every medication on earth at her including ivermectin and hydroxychloroquin. None of it has helped and her x-rays show that it is only getting worse. She declined a ventilator and signed a DNR order. Not only am I very sad, but I’m angry.

Mom had a conversation with her neighbor today about this. The neighbor, Tina, asked if she (my godmother) was vaccinated and mom answered no. Tina then went on a rant about unvaccinated people and said she didn’t care if they died. Mom was taken aback and kind of told her off in her own nice way. What really gets under my skin is that Tina said that after she knew my godmother wasn’t vaccinated. I had no idea she was that kind of person. Bitch doesn’t deserve the two cats she has. They’re too good for her.

Some people on the left, much like Tina, tout their compassion and tolerance. It’s a flimsy mask (no pun intended) that tends to slip and reveal their true nature. Been seeing that a lot lately.

My godmother’s impending passing is just as important and tragic as any vaccinated persons. She is no less important or loved. She is no less of a great person because she wasn’t vaccinated. And no one will miss her any less!

I’m a libertarian. I strongly disagree with anti-vaxxers, conspiracists and people who spread lies about vaccines causing autism and “vaccine injuries”. I WISH more people were getting vaccinated. The county I live in is only 40% vaxxed and I wish they weren’t so scared or hesitant because it could save their lives. But I still believe in choice even though it often has consequences.

Still hoping for a miracle…whatever god(s) you pray to, please put in a good word for her.

Ahem. Anyways. Inspections start Monday 😑 Moms friend is coming tomorrow at 8am to deep-clean this bitch. She does an excellent job and doesn’t charge as much as you’d think she would. The property manager said he was doing at least 2 or 3 MORE fucking inspections this year. Really?! I like him a lot but he’s nuts!

Oscar gets his second allergy shot Monday. He only sneets every once in a while now. I hope this will knock it out completely.

Now I gotta clean up a bunch of stuff. I’m tired and just want to lie in bed but I have to get everything put up and out of her way so she can clean tomorrow.