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Jun 12 2021 June 12, 2021 June 12, 2021 NoComment by Carla

welp.

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So, mental health agency is dumping me and there’s nothing I can do about it. FUck you therapist Sally. This is your doing. And you suck at your job. Nothing can pierce your steely cold heart, apparently. You too, therapist supervisor Amanda. I liked you. I thought we had a lot in common, I really wanted to switch to have you as my therapist because I thought I connected with you, like I couldn’t with Sally. I’m so disappointed. Both of you can suck a big fat one. *erects middle finger*

I can only hope and pray I get good peer support at the next place. My peer support people were what was keeping me above water. They are truly good people and should be paid more than they are.


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May 23 2021 May 23, 2021 May 23, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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The place I get “therapy” and services (like peer support) from is thinking of dumping me because I’m not “making progress” on my diet and diabetes. Firstly, I don’t remember setting those goals with my therapist. I am supposed to pick my own goals, not them. If I did, I sure don’t remember. Diabetes should be between me and my family doctor. I don’t feel like getting harassed about it during so-called therapy. In any case, I am changing my fucking goals next time I talk to her. I have developed a dislike for my therapist because of this. Also, she won’t come to work and makes me get on Zoom for sessions, and I fuckin’ HATE ZOOM. It is not a good way for me to work. I can’t stay engaged and always get really sleepy. I need in-person therapy, like a regular fucking person. =_=; I did a lot better in that type of setting.

Lemme tell you…if I were to lose my peer support, I WILL wind up suicidal and back in the hospital. Peer support saved my fucking life. I give them all (except the shitty one) full credit for saving me. If they cut me loose, it will fuck up my life. They’re looking for reasons to cut people off lately, it’s happened to other people. One got cut off because they were grouchy and didn’t like their new peer support, who happened to be the one I couldn’t stand. Stupid.

Listening to: Britney Spears – Criminal


May 04 2021 May 4, 2021 May 4, 2021 NoComment by Carla

plot bunnies

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Man, I couldn’t sleep last night. The plot bunnies were running circles in my head and I had to write down notes, lest I forget! I got a lot more framework for my story, which will (hopefully) become an online comic. I mean, I’ve only been working on this story & it’s characters for TWENTY ONE YEARS. Since I was 14 years old! I never got too far on the story and I’m still tweaking my characters after all this time! I am woefully bad at writing, you’d think I never picked up a thesaurus. I wish someone would help me out with the story but all my friends are pretty busy, one with her own comic. I just wish I had someone to run the dialogue by, and help me refine it.

Otherwise…I discovered I can indeed wear size 2XL shirts comfortably. At least the ones from Hot Topic. I usually get 3XL because I’m paranoid and don’t like tight shirts. SO I’ve basically been on a tshirt binge from Hot Topic. I finally found a Junji Ito shirt. I got Tokyo Ghoul, Inuyasha, Shingeki no Kyojin, Linkin Park and Korn shirts. Woo! *burns money*


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Apr 03 2021 April 3, 2021 April 3, 2021 NoComment by Carla

new domain

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So I got a new domain (yeah yeah, I know, not again XD) for my main collective, windsprite.nu. I made the layout already and I’m so pleased with it. I think it’s probably the best layout I’ve ever made. My only problem is for the network page that lists my various sites, I need to use tables. I have never been able to understand tables. It’s tough with a learning disorder. I’m trying to use a table generator and I still am having trouble! I don’t know how to style them, either. =_=

Hopefully this will be the LAST domain change for the main collective. I really like this domain. It’s kind of how I finally settled down with rhythm-emotion.net (fanlisting collective) after a bunch of domain changes, and I don’t plan on changing again because I really like it.

I have to wait for my host to add the domain so I can use it. I’m antsy :B I have it uploaded on my test site here.


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Mar 17 2021 March 17, 2021 March 24, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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There is a non-medical weed dispensary in the middle of Gatlinburg, TN. I am so confused, TN isn’t a cannabis legalized state….I don’t think. O_o Anyhow, dad partook of the bud. Don’t know what kind he got. Then again, neither does he.

Anyhoo, I had a really fun time yesterday with JoAnna (my peer support). We went to Olive Garden. We went to a Hmong market and found Boba Tea in a can, which was delicious. It was honeydew flavor. I had never had Boba tea before, but there’s a boba tea place in Hickory called Bubbly and we are going there next time. Went to a Goodwill and found this odd little gadget, from I’m guessing the late 90s or early 2000s. I think that because the disc inside it pictured a “Baby One More Time” era Britney Spears. It was some kind of media player. This discs were oddly sized, so they wouldn’t fit in a normal CD player. Bright green, see-through so the circuitry was visible. Had a little grey screen on the top, opened like a CD player. I think it said it was some kind of video viewer. I kind of wish I’d bought it because it would have been less than a dollar and I am so fucking curious as to what exactly it is! Maybe it’ll still be there next week. I can’t find anything like it on the internet.

I go to the dentist tomorrow so my tooth will either be crowned, ground down, or gone. I do not look forward to it.


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Feb 27 2021 February 27, 2021 February 27, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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Went out for Japanese last night, it was yummy. One thing though…there was a guy there who couldn’t keep his pants up. He literally could not. I saw his whole ass 30+ times. The whole thing. No underwear. He was going in and out of the place over and over, I don’t know what the hell he was doing. He had a screaming kid too. Invest in a belt, dude.

Oh yes, I bought an old Dreamcast and four games! I have such fond memories of my Dreamcast. It quit working around 2007-ish.


Feb 17 2021 February 17, 2021 February 17, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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Well, I went out with peer support girl today, entirely against my will… I was in pain because of the swollen lymph node in my jaw and was grumpy and tired. We went to eat someplace even though she obviously doesn’t like taking me to eat. We got into a small argument over me getting an alcoholic drink, she said I couldn’t because of company rules and I commented that that is stupid, but I didn’t get my drink. Anyhow after a back and forth, I wound up telling her she’s not as fun as previous girl and she said “I’m NOT previous girl” and I said “I KNOW.” Then she was like “Be miiiiiiindful of your speeeech” and I said “Oh God, with the MINDFUL again. Here we goes.” and put my head in my hands because FUCK she’s annoying. She got all weepy and I was like Oh God, whatever I don’t care anymore.

Things calmed down from there. Also mom had spoken to her about the handwashing thing and she said she would wash them, but I don’t really care now because she’s getting switched. She can go be nasty in someone else’s house.

Also she has the worst taste in music I have ever heard. Boring as fuck. I can’t stand when she has the music on in her car, she listens to Youtube playlists and I never know what horrible thing will come on next. It’s like Russian roulette.

I just do not deal well with overly sensitive people. I really don’t. It may sound like I’m the mean one, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON.

I should also mention I have never had a problem with any of my past peer supports, and I’ve had a bunch over the years. She’s the only one.


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Feb 12 2021 February 12, 2021 February 13, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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I got my PS4 yesterday! I was trying to set it up and my phone rang, it was peer support girl. I didn’t answer because I was busy and why is she calling so late? I sometimes ignore her calls because she calls at stupid times when I’ve previously asked her not to call me, and I might be a little bit of an asshole too. Hmm. Anyways, a few minutes later she shows up at my door and proceeds to bug me for about a half hour. I was paranoid of the hand-washing thing and cringed when she touched my stuff. Now I feel like I need to wipe everything down with a clorox wipe. >_>; I swear I had terrible anxiety about her pee-hands being on my stuff as I was trying to sleep last night. I’m a huge germophobe and that’s a nightmare scenario. I think she’s one of those “BuT i DoN’t WaNt To WaSh ThE gOoD bAcTeRiA oFf” people. I’m sorry for rambling on about this and her, but like I said, I had terrible anxiety and need to vent it out. I know I might sound like a super bitch but…that’s what a fucking blog is for, isn’t it? 😐

Anyhoo. PS4 is awesome. Played some Soulcalibur (Kilik ♥) and called it a night. I got some games for my 3DS which I can’t freaking find and a couple of cartridges for my mini Genesis, which I also haven’t yet found.

I unpacked all my books (yes, I’m just getting around to doing this lol) and started some on the movies.

Wash your goddam hands.


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Feb 03 2021 February 3, 2021 February 3, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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Holy shit. Mom had a random attack of vertigo driving down the mountain. I had to grab the steering wheel and keep her from driving into oncoming traffic. I eventually got her to pull over and she was messed up. I was really worried! I had to drive the rest of the way down the mountain, through town (which I really don’t like to do) and to get some food. I’m a pretty good, careful driver and she actually said she was proud of me for being calm and taking control.

I told her I didn’t want her to drive home after getting to my apartment but she’s stubborn and drove home herself. I made her text me when she got home. I was so relieved. But I still worry about her driving by herself. What if I hadn’t been there? Would she have hit a car coming head on? I don’t even want to think about it. >_>


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Jan 21 2021 January 21, 2021 January 21, 2021 NoComment by Carla

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Microsoft’s “support” is about as useful as a tit on a broomstick.