Try to do something nice, get rejected. Story of my life.
I’m trying to settle in to this new place. I have some residual anxiety that’s keeping me from totally enjoying it. Did I mention how much I loathe unpacking? I can’t find shit.
Honestly my day hasn’t started off well and I’m super grouchy.
It always amazes me how people will tell you they like you, that you’re their your friend, and then drop you like a sack of potatoes. And don’t even have the guts to tell you in person.
I move next Thursday. My back is killing me so I’m having a really difficult time packing all this shit. Thankfully I have some help. I’ll post some pics of my new place for the 0 people who read this blog 😀
I feel absolutely rotten. I was shutting the car door and a butterfly flew right into it. Didn’t kill it, but it was injured and couldn’t fly. Mom had to put it out of its misery because I couldn’t. I feel awful. I hate hurting things.
Oscar looks like a giant rat right now. I had him sheared for the summer and his hair has started to grow back, but there’s very short ones and then longer ones, which look kind of…patchy? So he looks like a giant rat. I would take a picture but I don’t think it’d come across well.
Aaaand that was my attempt at writing something of substance.
Oh my God I’m so impulsive.
I have to do a lot of cleaning today, the stupid inspection is Thursday. I’m nauseated and my back is messed up. I don’t know how to deal.
Kill me now
Went a while without posting. Guess I had nothing to say O_o
Today I had the worst headache and nerve pain. I think it made me hallucinate D: Like….Mom draped her jacket on my vacuum cleaner and I swear I saw the arm lift up and throw something red across the room. Yikes. It very obviously scared my cat, though. I dunno. D: Anyhoo, I feel somewhat better now.
I’ve been super nervous because they’re doing apartment inspections on the 30th. I don’t know how picky they are. I’m a stuff person. I like my stuff. I have tons of books and and figures and little doodads and whatnot. The landlord said not to look like a hoarder. I’m not a fucking hoarder though, I just like the things I have and want to display them. *rolls eyes* I mean this place is like 650 square feet. They didn’t exactly give us a lot of space to put shit. =_=;
I can’t believe how many cookbooks I’ve acquired over this short period of time. Yay for thrift stores! I swear I found like 3 for Chinese food alone. Even found a Cajun one. And one for nothing but CHEEEESE. *fatassthumbsup*
Last night I was in my bathroom and happened to look in the mirror. I thought “How grotesque you look.” and it made me really depressed. Everyone denies that I’m ugly, they say I’m “cute”, but that doesn’t convince me. I gained so much weight from depression eating….I can’t seem to stop. I can’t get it off. I can’t stick to a diet. Ugh. Why am I talking about this. I’ll stop.
I’m also regretting this permanent makeup. It makes me look more mature and I don’t like that. It doesn’t fit my personality. I just wanted it to open up my eyes and make them look bigger because I think they’re too small. I want to get it taken off somehow. What is wrong with me today =_=’ Complaining…I guess I’m just being extra critical of myself.
I’ll stop rambling now.
I don’t think I’m adjusting well enough to living by myself. I’m not *scared* or anything, but it’s hard to deal with some things. I won’t get into it.
I am meeting with the owners of a brand new apartment complex tomorrow. It’s so new that no one lives there yet, and they aren’t taking applications until tomorrow. This place has a lot of problems and lacks amenities that I need. I’m checking this place out because, like I said, it’s totally new. Only problem is, it’s 25 minutes away. I have a problem with not seeing one of my parents every day. I get really lonely if I don’t see *someone*. So basically I’ve only lived here for about two weeks and I might be moving again O_O This stresses me out! But it would be nice to have fans, overhead lights in the living room and dishwasher/washer/dryer etc. My air conditioner already died once here. The people aren’t terribly friendly either, but I don’t like people much so I wasn’t planning on socializing with them anyways. XD
I’m supposed to be getting “individual support” from A Caring Alternative again, who knows when that will start. That’s a person who is supposed to help you out with stuff and take you grocery shopping or just take you places. The last one I had, I swear to God, didn’t like me. O_O I’m generally a really nice person and just about everyone I meet SEEMS to like me or at least have a good impression, so that was really weird for me. I’m not used to having someone not like me…honestly, I think she’s in the wrong line of work :/ Her personality doesn’t fit the job. I’m praying for a better one this time. I don’t care if it’s a guy or a girl. I used to be really against having a male peer support/individual support, but ever since I got Mike (he helps with the housing) I feel more OK to have a guy. I’m pretty comfortable with Mike, which did surprise me since I’m a little skittish around men. I don’t dislike them, I’m just shy I guess.
I’ve mostly been sitting on my butt watching Live PD, Cops or Jeopardy. I’m hoping to get back into drawing, there’s just not a lot of space to do it here.
So it’s been about a week since I moved in, and I’m getting more adjusted to being alone. Mom or Dad still comes once a day so I don’t go nuts. XD I can’t unpack anything yet because my stupid left arm decided to go limp. Saw my doc about it, she said she thought it would get better in a week or two. I hope so because damn, how annoying! It’s hard to do anything! Taking a shower is a frickin nightmare.
I feel more motivated to work on my websites now. I hope I can get back into drawing too.