Category: life

God almighty I fucking loathe snow. I used to love it but now it’s just making my life miserable. I guess it’s really the ice that’s the problem but I think you know what I’m saying.


Got my eyebrows done. Dummy didn’t do it how I asked so now she has to fix it and I have to go through the annoying healing process again. Yes, I wound up having to go to the lying beyotch because everyone else is too expensive. 😖

My cousin is in the hospital with Covid pneumonia and is on a ventilator since last night. Her doctors are saying she won’t “oxygenate”. Her oxygen was down to 70 and her blood sugar was over 800 when she went in. I’m afraid she isn’t going to make it. This comes very soon after my beloved aunt died from Covid double pneumonia… my mom was/is very very close with both of them, it seems like she’s going to lose all her friends, the people she can talk to when she’s stressed or going through something. I’m worried about her too.

It seems like everyone in my cousins immediate family got it bad.

Let’s hope she recovers even though it looks grim right now.

And no she wasn’t vaccinated. I don’t think she trusts vaccines in general because she won’t get flu vaccines either.

My mom is vaccinated and boosted. She also had raging legionnaires pneumonia several years ago which did damage to her lungs. That’s what worries me. People who have had pneumonia or chronic bronchitis (like my aunt) seem to do worse with Covid. I’m just really afraid she’ll get it and wind up in the hospital. That scares me more than anything. Even though she’s vaccinated, that absolutely does not stop you from contracting it or spreading it. The vaccine is supposed to prevent severe cases in which you wind up on a ventilator. I hope it does it’s job. I fucking hate this virus. So much.

Sigh. Anyhow.

I have made the decision to move to Charlotte in the next couple years. I found a place that takes section 8 and sits in the first ward historic district of the city 🏙 I have always dreamed of living in a big city, since I was a kid. I dreamed of looking out my window at night and seeing the city lights all around me. When I was a kid my biggest dream was to go to NYC. When I turned 16, I finally got to go as a birthday present. I was wide-eyed and amazed. The culture shock was very real though.

I asked my peer support lady Ginger if they would let her take me down to Charlotte and view the apartment complex and hopefully a unit when the time comes. She said she probably could, so yay!

This made me horse laugh 😹

Merry Christmas again. I went to my parents and had a big dinner. Hope you all had a good one too 😊

Merry Christmas 🎁🎄!!

I have been doing lots of thinking about my life. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of it since I’m in my thirties and haven’t really done anything. It’s greatly depressing. I’m going for weight loss surgery next year, I really hope I’ll be able to achieve that because it will absolutely change my life and open many doors for me. I’m a very unhealthy person. I’m constantly tired, diabetic, suffer from chronic back and neck and nerve pain, and have had at least two mini strokes. I hate myself in many ways.

I’ve decided I want to become an esthetician. Once I have achieved my goals, I’m going to apply at the college in hickory because they have an esthetician program. The pass rate is 50% because the final exam to become board certified is pretty difficult. But in going to work towards it. I’m tired of being disabled (I’ll always be disabled but I can un-disable myself in some different ways physically) and on the government dole. I hope I can make myself strong enough to work an actual job. As of right now, I’d probably collapse after an hour. Or even less.

So that’s my goal. That’s what I’m working towards starting today. I’m tired of being the way I am. Fuck autism, it can’t hold me back anymore.

Soooo…I might possibly be moving back to the previous apartment complex I lived in. My rent went up AGAIN. $20 this time. Might not seem like a lot but it is. It adds up. It’s only been since June that they raised it $100. I have a bad feeling it’s going to happen again and again. I guess I’ll go put my application in there in the next couple of days. That place has a drug problem which kind of worries me but it was going on when I lived there before although I heard it got worse since I left. I don’t know if I can find another income based place. That seems to be the cheapest one around. 😔

The stuff I ordered from Yesstyle is taking forever to get here. I ordered it on October 28 or 29th and another a few days later. One of them hasn’t shipped yet and the other is languishing somewhere in Georgia, waiting for the usps to pick it up. It’s been that way on the tracker for days.

I love Posket figures. They are so well made and beautiful! I want this Black Jack figure as soon as I can afford it. They cost around 29-30$.

Otherwise I did not have a great day. Some context: a couple years ago, moms hairstylist talked me into remaking her website. I declined at first, saying that I was not a professional and that she should not expect a professional experience with me. She said she understood that and gradually bugged me until I said okay, I’ll do it. My compensation was free permanent makeup, eyes and eyebrows. It generally costs $800 for that. Anyhow I made her a really nice WordPress-based website with a $100 theme, even. I took great care to make sure it was nice and aesthetically pleasing. I got the first bit of my makeup done and it fucking HURT but that’s okay, beauty is pain and all that. Anyhow, her moron of a husband inserted himself into the design aspect and said some of the stupidest shit that’s ever come out of a mouth, he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he does NOT, believe me. He kept sending me these incredibly designed websites for salons in the Charlotte area that I absolutely could not replicate and I was just stumped, because she had told me my design was plenty good enough. Anyhow her rocket scientist husband goes in and DELETES my hard work into oblivion. I was fucking astonished. I was so angry I just..quit talking to them. I told their daughter in law (my hairstylist) how big of a mistake I made in accepting her offer. Things just kind of stalled after that and my makeup didn’t get finished. A good while later, mom talked to her and she said she’d finish it for $400. Ha. I didn’t have that kind of money and also that wasn’t fucking fair, I MADE YOUR FUCKING SITE. It’s not my fault your husband is an idiot! Anyhow more time went by. I decided I wanted my makeup finished for my Xmas present, so mom talked to her today while getting her hair done. Well, she said it would be $800. She claims the price of her materials has gone sky high, which I don’t believe for a hot second because $800 is her original price. I was supposed to get a deal. Hell, Maybe the price of her materials have gone up, but she’s a damn liar and cheater.

Anyhoo. Mom said she might just go ahead and pay the $800 which is absurd. I said I’ll fucking find someone else to do it even if it costs the same because I don’t want that lying bitch to benefit from her money and business. She doesn’t deserve a penny.

They purport to be good, born again Christians, but they lie and cheat! Funny how that seems to be a common thing around here. 🤨

I saw my first Karen in the wild at Food Lion today. Amazingly I have never before seen a grown adult pitch a fit in a grocery store. She came up to an employee with a tube of ground meat in each hand and said “when I come back you better have answers for me!!” Then, “this doesn’t concern you” to either me and my mom or the cashier. No idea. As we were walking out, I heard “I’m gonna call the CEO of Food Lion!!”

The king of Food Lion is not gonna talk to you about your meat tubes, lady.

Got my first Gunpla kit! It’s snap-together so it can’t be that difficult…right? 😅


Dude, there were so many trick or treaters out today in an adjacent town, not mine unfortunately, and even though it’s not Hallowe’en yet, I’m glad to see them OUTSIDE and going to businesses for candy, instead of going to dumb trunk-or-treats at fucking churches. Churches ruined hallowe’en around here with that shit. 😑 am I bitter about this? Yes, yes I am. I also think it’s stupid that they’re doing it a couple days before because to me that sort of defeats the purpose. But at least they were outside 😅 when I was a kid, we went out on the actual day of, no matter what day of the week it was, and we went door to door with our parents following us at a distance so we could have fun. We didn’t go to fucking trunk or treats at churches. We did it the fun way. I’m so glad I’m not a kid these days because they’ve taken all the fun out of stuff. I’m happy I got to experience it like I did.

I will say though, one time when I was about nine, I went with a friend on Hallowe’en and she took me to an event at her church. They did a play in which two people, a guy and his girlfriend, got into a car accident and died. The girl was “saved” and the guy wasn’t. Suddenly a guy with a really realistic satan mask runs out from another room and drags the guy just kicking and screaming to hell 😳 I won’t lie when I say it fucking scarred me for life. I had so many nightmares about that shit. I still remember it vividly and feel a little bit of that fear when recalling it. I’m sure fear is what they intended to instill in us which is a form of child abuse imo. Scare the shit out of kids so they’ll get Jesus or whatever. A lot of the time it’ll backfire and make them resent the religion. I can attest to that!