Soooo…I might possibly be moving back to the previous apartment complex I lived in. My rent went up AGAIN. $20 this time. Might not seem like a lot but it is. It adds up. It’s only been since June that they raised it $100. I have a bad feeling it’s going to happen again and again. I guess I’ll go put my application in there in the next couple of days. That place has a drug problem which kind of worries me but it was going on when I lived there before although I heard it got worse since I left. I don’t know if I can find another income based place. That seems to be the cheapest one around. 😔

The stuff I ordered from Yesstyle is taking forever to get here. I ordered it on October 28 or 29th and another a few days later. One of them hasn’t shipped yet and the other is languishing somewhere in Georgia, waiting for the usps to pick it up. It’s been that way on the tracker for days.




I love Posket figures. They are so well made and beautiful! I want this Black Jack figure as soon as I can afford it. They cost around 29-30$.

Otherwise I did not have a great day. Some context: a couple years ago, moms hairstylist talked me into remaking her website. I declined at first, saying that I was not a professional and that she should not expect a professional experience with me. She said she understood that and gradually bugged me until I said okay, I’ll do it. My compensation was free permanent makeup, eyes and eyebrows. It generally costs $800 for that. Anyhow I made her a really nice WordPress-based website with a $100 theme, even. I took great care to make sure it was nice and aesthetically pleasing. I got the first bit of my makeup done and it fucking HURT but that’s okay, beauty is pain and all that. Anyhow, her moron of a husband inserted himself into the design aspect and said some of the stupidest shit that’s ever come out of a mouth, he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he does NOT, believe me. He kept sending me these incredibly designed websites for salons in the Charlotte area that I absolutely could not replicate and I was just stumped, because she had told me my design was plenty good enough. Anyhow her rocket scientist husband goes in and DELETES my hard work into oblivion. I was fucking astonished. I was so angry I just..quit talking to them. I told their daughter in law (my hairstylist) how big of a mistake I made in accepting her offer. Things just kind of stalled after that and my makeup didn’t get finished. A good while later, mom talked to her and she said she’d finish it for $400. Ha. I didn’t have that kind of money and also that wasn’t fucking fair, I MADE YOUR FUCKING SITE. It’s not my fault your husband is an idiot! Anyhow more time went by. I decided I wanted my makeup finished for my Xmas present, so mom talked to her today while getting her hair done. Well, she said it would be $800. She claims the price of her materials has gone sky high, which I don’t believe for a hot second because $800 is her original price. I was supposed to get a deal. Hell, Maybe the price of her materials have gone up, but she’s a damn liar and cheater.

Anyhoo. Mom said she might just go ahead and pay the $800 which is absurd. I said I’ll fucking find someone else to do it even if it costs the same because I don’t want that lying bitch to benefit from her money and business. She doesn’t deserve a penny.

They purport to be good, born again Christians, but they lie and cheat! Funny how that seems to be a common thing around here. 🤨




I saw my first Karen in the wild at Food Lion today. Amazingly I have never before seen a grown adult pitch a fit in a grocery store. She came up to an employee with a tube of ground meat in each hand and said “when I come back you better have answers for me!!” Then, “this doesn’t concern you” to either me and my mom or the cashier. No idea. As we were walking out, I heard “I’m gonna call the CEO of Food Lion!!”

The king of Food Lion is not gonna talk to you about your meat tubes, lady.




Went to a cool, very artsy shop and got the coolest painting ever. It’s by a local artist who moved here from Japan. I called it “yakuza cat” when I first saw it 🤗 I actually had to put it on layaway because its was $150!! I made a $25 payment today, and luckily they don’t have a minimum payment and give you all the time you need to pay it off. It’ll take me months lol

Anyhow I took a pic:




Got my first Gunpla kit! It’s snap-together so it can’t be that difficult…right? 😅


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Happy belated Hallowe’en! What did I do? I went to my parents house and we made wings. That’s what we do for every special occasion, pretty much. They were super delicious 🤤

Anyhow. I’ve been amassing makeup, mostly from Ulta and Yesstyle, which has all the Korean and Japanese beauty products you could ever want. I want a pair of circle lenses too. I’m looking for the best place to get those. And Yesstyle has SO many beautiful wigs. I plan on getting one or two soon. I haven’t worn a wig in quite a while, I always have issues with the wig cap riding or rolling up on my head. These are my favorites:

Obviously I like grey and brown and wavy ones.



Dude, there were so many trick or treaters out today in an adjacent town, not mine unfortunately, and even though it’s not Hallowe’en yet, I’m glad to see them OUTSIDE and going to businesses for candy, instead of going to dumb trunk-or-treats at fucking churches. Churches ruined hallowe’en around here with that shit. 😑 am I bitter about this? Yes, yes I am. I also think it’s stupid that they’re doing it a couple days before because to me that sort of defeats the purpose. But at least they were outside 😅 when I was a kid, we went out on the actual day of, no matter what day of the week it was, and we went door to door with our parents following us at a distance so we could have fun. We didn’t go to fucking trunk or treats at churches. We did it the fun way. I’m so glad I’m not a kid these days because they’ve taken all the fun out of stuff. I’m happy I got to experience it like I did.

I will say though, one time when I was about nine, I went with a friend on Hallowe’en and she took me to an event at her church. They did a play in which two people, a guy and his girlfriend, got into a car accident and died. The girl was “saved” and the guy wasn’t. Suddenly a guy with a really realistic satan mask runs out from another room and drags the guy just kicking and screaming to hell 😳 I won’t lie when I say it fucking scarred me for life. I had so many nightmares about that shit. I still remember it vividly and feel a little bit of that fear when recalling it. I’m sure fear is what they intended to instill in us which is a form of child abuse imo. Scare the shit out of kids so they’ll get Jesus or whatever. A lot of the time it’ll backfire and make them resent the religion. I can attest to that!




Well, I did it. I cut off all my hair again. I just couldn’t take it anymore >.> I’m gonna dye it a really pale pink. I think I’ll use a color called “rose petal”. Or I might try to find “bubblehead” again. I really liked that one because my hair looked like cotton candy according to everyone else 😀

I’m trying so hard to draw again…I drew for maybe 30-40 mins this afternoon. I guess I should try to do at least 20 mins a day if I want to get my mojo back. I can’t seem to get faces right though…very annoying. Everything just looks kinda off.

I got a new peer support! I really like her. Her name is Ginger :3 We went out and had a good time today and she’s not a total hardass like my last one!

Anyhow…I’ve been watching a lot of Korean makeup tutorials on Youtube and it really makes me want to use makeup. I love how soft the style looks. I’m not really one for really dramatic and harsh looks. I guess I prefer neutrals and pastels. I like those gradient lips too. I’m also kind of addicted to those makeup transformation vids, like when the person TAKES OFF THEIR ENTIRE FACE. I mean the ones that use the tape to change the shape of their face and stuff. I probably wouldn’t use tape but it’s really impressive nonetheless how far people will go to look completely different, or look like how they envision themselves. I love watching those. It’s helpful to people who have small and hooded eyes too. I always want mine to look bigger and it drives me nuts. I am slowly amassing makeup, and I’m going to have mom’s beautician finish my permanent makeup for Christmas. I suck at eyebrows. So might as well just tattoo them on my face!



The new peer support is not working out. I just do not know how to get it through her or their heads that I DONT SLEEP AT NIGHT. Meaning that I am not up in the morning!! What is so hard to understand about that?? Even worse, I feel like they’re watching me like a hawk waiting for me to screw up somehow so they can discharge me again. At least I still have my individual support lady who can always come in the afternoon.

I had to cave and get cable again. It’s pathetic how I cant go without it. Anyhow I got really depressed and just caved. YouTube TV is shite. If it were more user friendly and had a decent interface I probably would have kept it.

I’m really having a hard time with losing my godmom, who was really more of an aunt, and that’s what I called her. I’ll just refer to her as aunt from now on. Her interment is October 15 in Chattanooga TN. Mom won’t let me go with her and dad and it really hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t go to the interment because I don’t do well at funerals or any kind of thing like that. I would have just stayed at the hotel room. But no, she said that would mess up her grieving or something like that which really confused me. Am I that annoying to her? I’m grieving too, you know. Guess my feelings on the issue don’t matter. /shrug




Of course my apartment wasn’t inspected today. I have to get up at nine again tomorrow to wait for them 😒 Come the fuck on, people.

I am really just in a lousy mood, partly because I had an argument with mom. We just cannot get along these days. I know exactly why, but she won’t listen to me 🤷‍♀️ Oh well!