I have been getting super dizzy when I stand up. It’s nothing new, but it’s gotten a lot worse in the last month or so.

I’m so stressed out, all I wanna do is sleep or lie in bed watching videos on my phone. Next month is gonna suck so hard money-wise. At least Joanna comes tomorrow so hopefully I can get out and have a little fun.

Counting down the days until I leave for the beach. Hurry up, July 7th!

I hate Compas Cable. They have a monopoly on low income communities especially and are able to charge ridiculous prices for an inferior product, and people will pay because they really have no choice, unless they want to go without TV.

Now, they decided to go all digital and if you want all the TVs in your house to work (I have 2) you have to get a digital box for it, and you have to pay for it every month. So that adds more onto my freaking bills.

Honestly I’m going through a rough period and everything is pissing me off in grand fashion. Blow me, world.

The creepy “activity” has died down, thankfully. I can get some sleep. Haven’t really heard the breathing for a couple of nights. Maybe it’s completely stopped. *crosses fingers*

I felt lousy today so I didn’t go to my parents’ for dinner. 🙁 I feel a little off. I dunno.


So, mental health agency is dumping me and there’s nothing I can do about it. FUck you therapist Sally. This is your doing. And you suck at your job. Nothing can pierce your steely cold heart, apparently. You too, therapist supervisor Amanda. I liked you. I thought we had a lot in common, I really wanted to switch to have you as my therapist because I thought I connected with you, like I couldn’t with Sally. I’m so disappointed. Both of you can suck a big fat one. *erects middle finger*

I can only hope and pray I get good peer support at the next place. My peer support people were what was keeping me above water. They are truly good people and should be paid more than they are.

Me and a friend went Randonauting today. You download the app, and it generates random coordinates for you to go to and discover shit.

Well, it took us to a Mental institution. O_O Literally down into the heart of the place (it’s huge!). Is….is it trying to tell me something? XD

I have a problem.

For the past week or so, I have been hearing things in my apartment and I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining them. I started hearing the loud breathing about a week ago. Something also said “SHHHHHHH!” very loudly in my living room. I heard the breathing first in the living room, and then in my bedroom. Last night I heard stuff falling in my kitchen, and it wasn’t Oscar because he was on my bed at the time. This all started VERY suddenly, and I think it might have something to do with my encounter with psycho guy. I had kept two of the rocks he threw at my windows, not for any reason, I guess I wasn’t sure what to do with them so I let them sit there. Could that have brought something into my house? I just have a feeling about it. That it has something to do with that incident.

It’s not like this is completely new to me. I’ve had things thrown at me from across an empty room before. Something attacked my cat. I’ve heard things. Weird things have happened. The only place I haven’t had issues was at my first apartment.

However, I was not living ALONE at the time these things were happening. Being alone makes it so much more frightening. Honestly…last night I was so petrified, I was lying there in bed hearing things, afraid to move. I have not felt like that since I was a child. I’m a grown ass female in my 30s. This shouldn’t be scaring me so badly.

In any case, I know a priest, so I’m gonna ask him to do a blessing, and I might get some sage and do a smudging, something I’ve never tried before. I’m not even Catholic ffs. I’m not even a Christian! I gotta do something though!

I sent the Housing Authority a list of all my meds purchased ($400 something worth!) for the last year, hoping they would lower my rent. It was lowered $6. I want to barf. Next month and every other month is really gonna suck.

If mom’s effort with my therapist’s supervisor doesn’t work and they really do drop me, at least I still have one of my peer supports as a friend. She said to call her any time after work hours and she’d take me out to the store or wherever. I really got attached to her fast! I don’t know if my other peer support who I’m super attached to is willing to hang out as friends. I hope she would, because I do consider her a friend.

I think the mental health agency is going to cut me loose…I am so fucking upset right now. They say they’re referring me to another agency but I’m super attached to my peer support people and this is just going to fuck me up and set me back. Believe it or not, I have made progress. My therapist made my goal having to do with my diabeetus herself and that’s just not fucking fair at all. I didn’t choose it. I had no choice. I got a bit angry during my in-person appointment today. I cried. This is bullshit.

Anyhow…mom is giving a last ditch effort and is making an appointment with my therapist’s supervisor who has the ultimate decision making power. Maybe it will work. Maybe not. I hope it does.

Just let something good happen to me, for once. Please. Give me a God damn break.

I was washing my face in the shower and accidentally jammed my finger up my nose. It still doesn’t feel right. ;_;

I am so bored and restless! I wanna draw but don’t have the energy. I kind of just want to go to bed but it’s too early. Le sigh.

This situation with the rent increase and the other with the mental health place possibly dropping me is taking a toll. I don’t know what to do anymore…